Shortly after Jake died, I wanted to make a tribute video where I’d reach out to all his closest friends, and have them tell me their favorite memories of him. I would film each one, and eventually put it all together into a little movie.
While I did film a little bit of it, the closer and more invested I got, I realized I just wasn’t ready for it emotionally. So, I decided to put it to the side, and figured I’d get to it when I was more ready.
Sure, I can spend hours talking about him, and how his life impacted me, but I’m biased. I wanted to see if others could share that same sentiment.
I contacted four of Jake’s close friends, Aaron Gottlieb, Natima Harry, Julia DeGasperis, and Brian Mulcahy (or Mr. Mulcahy as we called him), and asked them all the same questions.
I wasn’t sure what they would say, or how open they would be, but with that, this is what they said:
How did you know Jake?
Aaron: I met Jake from hanging out with you. I don’t know if it was the first time I met him, but I want to say maybe summer camp? All three of us went to see movies a lot as kids. So, at some point, one of those things was how we met. But he was friends with you, and I was friends with you.
Natima: I came to know Jake when we were in the hospital, which was New York Presbyterian Columbia. We met in the playroom (Child Life), and ever since then we were inseparable.
Julia: Jake and I grew up together. We were in the same 2nd grade class, and continued our friendship throughout high school.
Brian: I met Jake when he was in 5th grade (officially) after his heart transplant. I ran the student government and we did a fundraiser for the Brice family. We had a ‘Welcome To School Rally’ for Jake. The following year Jake was in my 6th grade Science class, and we stayed in touch after he left.
Do you have a favorite memory of him?
Aaron: Not an appropriate one. Just a lot of memories of us sitting on the couch watching South Park. I didn’t start watching it at all, until you and Jake introduced me to it, but he knew South Park like the back of his hand. Nothing made him laugh harder than South Park. We’ll go with that as my favorite memory; us being happy watching South Park on the couch.
Natima: One of my favorite memories of Jake, is when we were both in the hospital, and I went to visit his room for the first time. He and his parents were watching WWE wrestling. Jake was shocked to find out that a girl like me was into wrestling. Jake and I were happy because we had something in common that we enjoyed, and loved.
Julia: I am grateful to say I have many favorite memories with Jake. The first memory that comes to mind, was in 2nd grade. We were in the middle of a lesson, and I was being an absolute pest (which the tables would turn later on down the road, as he took any opportunity possible to be an equivalent pest to me). I took his pencil from the front of his desk, looked him in the eyes, held it over the edge, and dropped it to the floor. He wasn’t entertained, and yet I thought it was funnier than it was. He bent down to pick it up, and after doing it two more times, Jake threw up his hand, and told on me. Which, in 2nd grade, was the worst. There were plenty of other stories I could’ve chosen to tell, but I chose this one because as silly as that memory may sound, we would continue to joke about it even in high school. It’s funny how certain memories that you would think are ‘insignificant’ end up meaning so much down the road.
Brian: I have so many memories of Jake.
When Jake was in 3rd grade, we had a walk-a-thon called “The Hike for Mike,” for a high school student with cancer. The day of the walk-a-thon, it was so hot, and I remember a 3rd grader having to go inside because he was struggling with the heat. He was so upset that he couldn’t walk anymore and I told him, I was proud of his effort. That 3rd grader would turn out to be Jake.
After Jake’s heart transplant, he wanted some video [game] station (I have no clue which one, but it was impossible to get), and my stepmother got one for being on the board of directors for Target, and I got it for Jake. My brother, who was in high school, was so upset that I took the game. We still talk about that gaming system to this day.
When Jake was in my class, I was so impressed with his willingness to share his story. Our class learned so much from Jake as he showed us his scars and told us about his monthly tests to see if his heart was still taking to his body. He was amazing!
In 6th grade, I had my students work an assignment and Jake’s team had a great idea, which I gave them a lot of help on. Unfortunately, they didn’t give the effort they were capable of, and I ripped them a new body part! After, I was upset with myself, and it was always one of my self-inflicted criticisms of my career on how I dealt with the situation. I later learned when Jake was on his deathbed, that was one of his fondest memories of me, because I treated him like everyone else!
Still in 6th grade, we were having a heat wave and it was like 115 degrees in the upstairs classroom. I was so upset with the school district for having class in those conditions. On the first day, Jake was there with all of us because he needed to be with his class. I called his mom, Sue, and told her under no circumstances can Jake come to school the next day, and if he did, I was driving him home. Jake was so mad at me (that is just the kid he was).
In 8th grade, they had the kids write a letter to a favorite teacher in keyboarding class. I was so excited to get Jake’s letter. I will treasure it forever!
That same year, Jake got really sick, and I got the call from his mom they didn’t think he was going to make it. The following day I was in the city visiting Jake, and when I got to the hospital, Jake wouldn’t let me into his room. I was like, “what the f%$#?” About 20 minutes later, I was allowed in. It took 20 minutes for Jake to put on his Giants jersey (we always had a Jets/Giants battle) and the smirk on his face is a look I will never forget! I challenged Jake to fight, and told him I would take him to Giants camp the following summer if he got out of the hospital. Well, Jake fought, and I drove Jake and his dad Jerry up to Albany for Giants camp that summer. I pulled some strings, and we got the VIP treatment and met every star. I remember Eli Manning talking with Jake for 15 minutes. It was an amazing day. And yes, Jake got me to wear a Giant’s t-shirt for the one and one time only! My father almost had a heart attack when he saw the picture. That picture sits in my memory case and will forever!
How did knowing him affect your life at the time?
Aaron: When we were younger, I didn’t understand how sick he really was. He never ever complained about being sick. When we were hanging out, he would never be down on his luck about being sick. So, at the time, it was just like having another friend. He was always trying to have a good time when he was with us, because when he wasn’t with us, he was in the hospital, or with doctors. He was just another friend of ours that was looking to laugh, and have a good time.
Natima: Having Jake in my life was amazing. We talked a lot about our lives as transplant patients, and I was extremely happy that I had a friend that shared the same experience with me. Sometimes I would be sad, because I didn’t have many friends to talk to. But with Jake, he was always there to listen no matter what. He always taught me to never complain no matter the situation, and because of who he was, I try my best to follow that same example.
Julia: I try my best to remember the times that didn’t involve his illness or health struggles. I think about the memories that involved just a bunch of silly high school kids, doing stupid things. The thing that amazed me, and continues to amaze me to this day, is regardless of how many people felt sorry for Jake, and what he was going through, he NEVER felt sorry for himself. He could be having the worst day, and yet, would still do his best to act like the Jake we all knew and loved, while cracking some joke in the midst of it. I specifically remember one day, I walked into Science, and Jake was at the lab table where we did our experiments. One of his eyes was completely red, far past the point of just blood shot. I asked him what happened, and he told me he had a procedure where they had to enter his brain through his ear, and he had to stay awake, so he watched some South Park as a distraction. The way he was talking about it so casually, and the tone of his voice, you would think that a 15 or 16 year old kid was just telling you about his weekend plans. To me, I was shocked and at a loss for words. To him, he was back in school, and ready to move on from the experience. His strength was ALWAYS, and will always be recognized.
Brian: This is an impossible question to answer! Jake was the most amazing person I ever met, and he affected my life dramatically! Whenever I am in pain, or complaining about something, I quickly reset because of Jake! When I hear someone complain, I quickly shut them up, and talk about Jake! Jake is a standard for me! I am lucky I got to cross paths with him!
Where are you in your life today?
Aaron: I still live with my grandparents. It wasn’t my plan, but stuff got messed up, I moved out for a little while, had to move back in. But now, I’m pretty established in my career. I’ve been with my current job for a year, and should be doing it for the foreseeable future. I have a wonderful girlfriend, and hopefully me, her, and my dog Kobe, will get a place to live in the next year or so.
Natima: Right now, my life is at peace. I am a college graduate at the age of 26 years old. Furthermore, my dream in life is to help people who are in need, and to become a voice for others who cannot speak up for themselves. I hope to become a positive influence for anyone that is going through mental health issues.
Julia: I am 26 years old, and living on Long Island. I received my college degree in Florida, majoring with a Bachelors in Music, and am currently a Recreation Lead and Music Specialist at an Assisted Living. I rent an apartment, and have 2 cats (I can honestly picture Jake completely ROASTING me for being a cat lady). I sing and play piano in 2 bands that perform in bars and restaurants throughout Long Island. Living on Long Island is not the easiest task, but I am doing the best I can, and happy with the outcome so far.
Brian: I am retired from teaching after 30 years. I live most of the year down in Florida in a small community called Ponce Inlet. I play a lot of pickleball, and volunteer at a turtle and seabird rescue facility. I am enjoying life!
How do you think your life has changed because of him?
Aaron: Like I said before, when we were kids, I didn’t really understand how sick he was because he never complained about it. When he passed, that’s when I realized he was suffering for so long. He had the heart transplant, after that he had brain cancer. He was very sick our entire childhood, and it made me feel really fortunate that I was healthy, and all the things in my life that I ever complained about. I literally knew this kid, who just getting up, and living his day to day life was so hard, but he never said a word about it. It made me think differently of myself. I shouldn’t be reacting to the things that I am, because if he could get through that, and never complain, what do I have to complain about? So, it very much helped me grow as a person back then, and even today. I wrote my college acceptance essays about Jake, and how he helped me. Overall, he helped me realize that the worst thing that happens to me, is probably the best thing that could happen to somebody else. Life can be so much better than being upset about stuff that doesn’t really matter.
Natima: I feel Jake is always walking with me, and I know he will continue to be in my heart. I know he wouldn’t want me to be angry, or sad, because that’s not how he was. Jake always had a smile on his face no matter how hard the battlefield got, and I choose to live by that.
Julia: Jake and I met at very formable and impressionable years of our lives, and his attitude throughout those years impacted my own behaviors as I go through life now. First and foremost, knowing him and seeing what he went through on a day to day basis puts my mind into perspective to this day. When things get tough, or I experience times of stress, I have to reroute my mind and think about Jake, and all he went through, especially at such a young age. Somebody always has it worse, and how can I complain about such minute things, when Jake was put through the ringer, and I never heard him complain once? His strength was admirable, and his optimism was contagious. I have experienced a number of incredible signs in these past 10 years, that have really brought me a sense of peace, and have proven to me that he is with us. One sign that I experienced, that I will truly never forget, would be back in 2015, when I was attending college in Florida. I came back to New York for a visit, and made it my first priority to visit Jake’s tree (a tree was planted outside the courtyard of our middle school after his passing). I ended up writing a note to Jake, just letting him know how much I loved and missed him. After paying my respects, I stuck the folded note in the dirt. I didn’t bury it. Just simply placed it sticking out of the dirt, expecting that eventually the weather would either blow it away, or just ruin it. Fast forward a year, and I went back to New York to visit family, and yet again, made sure to visit the tree. Once I arrived, I noticed right away, a dirty, worn, folded up piece of paper, sticking out of the dirt, EXACTLY where I left it. This note somehow lasted in the dirt through a year full of rain, snow, wind, etc.
To others, that might just be a silly coincidence, but to me, it was a sign, and a beautiful one at that. Another thing I find amazing, that brings me so much joy, is when Jake pops up in my dreams. With anybody, after not seeing them for a while, you start to forget what that persons voice sounds like. Although Jake had such a distinct, raspy voice, time went by, and I just couldn’t hear it anymore, except in my dreams. Without fail, every time I have a dream about Jake, his voice is exactly the way I remembered, and it brings me back. Those signs, amongst others, is what has put my heart at peace these last 10 years. I always wonder what Jake would be like now. I wonder what his occupation would be, I wonder where he would be living, I wonder what he would be doing. I wonder if he would’ve met Samuel L. Jackson by now, or if he was working under the creators of South Park. Unfortunately, we will never know, but what I do know, is I will continue to do things that would make him proud. I will never stop telling his stories, talking about him, and keeping his name alive, because he deserves that. I don’t know how I got so lucky to know somebody like Jake, and for that, I am forever grateful.
Brian: Again, one that is impossible to truly answer! As a teacher I was blessed with so many amazing and truly outstanding students. I also had many students with horrible stories of their own that they conquered; and then there was Jake. What he had to deal with, and the way he approached life, was so amazing! Jake made me a better person! Jake made me a more caring person! Jake made me a person that appreciated life on a daily basis! Jake made me a person that wouldn’t let an obstacle get in his way! Jake opened my eyes to a world I had no clue about! Jake took a piece of my heart, a place just for him! I don’t know what I will forget as I get older, but it will not be Jake! I love you Jake, and miss you!
A little piece of Jake's spirit is with everyone who knew him 💗